Hey everyone. Creating this community here because i know how hard it can be to talk about these stuff in real life with your family members. Posting this here because I just can't shake this emotional weight away, and I figured if there’s anywhere I can finally be honest, it’s here.



My dad is under palliative care right now, and the doctors have gently let us know that we’re in the final stretch. Objectively, I know what’s coming. But I don't know how to face it.



Growing up, it was always "don't cry, stay strong", "real men dont cry", "you are going to be the man of the house, you have to keep it together for everyone else". When dad was diagnosed I knew this was the time I had to be the rock for the family. When Mum broke down, I was the one holding her up. When my sisters panicked, I was the calm one making the phone calls. But now that my dad is actually slipping away, I feel totally paralysed.



There are so many things I want to say to him before it's too late. I want to thank him for everything, tell him I forgive him for old arguments, and just let him know how much he means to me. But every time I walk into his room and sit by his bed, my throat tightens up. I always end up asking about how his sleep or appetite was.



I know i might crumble if I ever manage to say the things I want to say. Even if I manage to keep my composure, I'll probably lose it when I hear what my dad has to say to it too. I'm terrified of breaking down in front of him or my family, but I'm even more terrified of waking up one day with a lifetime of unsaid words heavy on my chest.



How do you guys break through that lifelong habit of hiding your emotions? How did you find the courage to have those raw, vulnerable, heart-to-heart goodbyes when you're so used to being the strong one? Would really appreciate any advice from fellow sons or anyone who’s had to drop their armor.